Sometimes it really breaks me

...that I have no one to depend on when I have money issues. Ever since I was fourteen, I have had to take care of myself financially, pay my own bills and other expenses. And ever since I moved to my apartment, I have had to pay my own rent too.

Hell, it just bugs me when people boast about how their parents have bought them a car or paid their rents for the rest of the year or bought them food.

I have no parents to depend on this. Actually, I'm the one who's there for my dad, when he needs money.
Every. Single. Fucking. Time.
Even when he was still drinking. I was basically the one who bought him the booze sometimes.

I struggle and struggle and try to save up money, but it's hard. It's hard because of all those bills and rents and hell, all the pretty things I like to buy when I'm feeling upset, because they make me feel better for a while. I buy them because I'm the only one who can buy them for me.

And then, later, I feel guilty for spending money on something I like, because I could've spent the money on something I need.


God, I hate being poor, so if you are out there, make me rich. Preferably soon.

What I have realized recently

...is that there is undoubtedly something really wrong with me.

I had a decent day today, nothing went wrong. I actually had some fun.
Now I'm sitting on my bed, crying my heart out for god knows why. And this happens rather frequently nowadays...

Yeah, so long, sanity.
Won't be missin' ya.

Do I have anything to look forward to on 2012?

My mind is blank.