Disappointed, tired & anxious.

It's 4:24 AM and I'm not sure why am I still awake.
School starts today and it's making me anxious. I feel disappointed in myself. There was so much things I swore I'd do on my Autumn break, but which I failed to do. I loathe myself for being such a lazy person.

Lately I've been more tired than usual. Of course, my sleeping pattern is messed up and I probably don't get enough sleep, but it's not just physical tiredness. I'm tired mentally. I kind of expected this, because my depression gets worse around this time of the year, but after having a great summer I wished I'd be better this year.
I guess I shouldn't get my hopes too high.

On November the 21st, it's going to be 4 years from my mother's death.